"Farewell"

Like a runner without feet
i tried to do my best.
But after crawling countless miles-
my heart ached in my chest.

I feel exhausted, almost lost,
like in the years back then.
When i was young & you grown up-
and every day a mess.

I don't know how to be myself,
with you i never learned,
that it's okay to feel something-
to laugh, to cry, to burn.

Memories are slipping through
the blindness and the mist
that i summoned to overcome-
your cruelty and your fist.

Now i believe you don't deserve,
that i gave everything
to forget the hell you caused-
i'm rotting from within.

Altough i tried, i clearly failed
to watch out for myself.
To comprehend i wasn't "wrong "-
i sacrificed my health.

You never noticed what i gave,
when i confirmed the lies
you told yourself and everyone-
those horrors in disguise.

But finally i found the strength
to stop you hurting me.
I'll give myself the slightest chance-to fully live, to be!

My childhood & your failure showed,
how i will never treat
each human or each living thing-
nor grass beneath my feet.

M., i have to admit,
that i do love you still
and that i miss you anyway-
and that i always will.

I wish you all the best and that
you one day will accept,
own hurtings and the misery-
your heart, your soul collects.

Hopefully you will step out
and find a way to deal,
with your own loss & broken mind-
allow yourself to heal.

And I will ask a free, wild goose,
to borrow me her wings,
to fly across all pain of mine-
to leave behind your sins.

Maybe i will reach the shores
of everpromised peace.
But i don't think that even wings-
will lead me out of this.

Nevertheless i'll give the best
to keep my heart wide open.
To give and get the warmth i need-
and not to be heartbroken.